SZwanetz
bleunote's Cancer Blog
August 26, 2008
| It was the Best of Times...It was the... | Views: 453 |
My second attempt at the CT scan semi worked. I threw up a few times while drinking the Gastrografin (an iodine based contrast), but for the most part I got it down.
My results, not quite as easy to swallow.
The Oncologist called today and said the Cancer has moved into 2 of my lymphoid’s, but a tiny trace. Okay, I can handle this I thought – not too bad. Then he said I have multiple tumors in my breast creating the Breast Cancer lump- not so good. Lastly he said I have a dense mass behind my liver. He wants to do an ultrasound ASAP to see if it is Cancer or a cyst.
Right now I am scared out of mind. I want to run. I want to scream. I can’t wait for the hospital to call and tell me to come in for the ultrasound. I just want to know and at the same time I don’t want to hear anymore bad news!
It was the Best of Times...It was the..., 
11 comments)
Thanks for your support -
Sonia,
I feel what you’re going through, the feeling that you can’t take anymore bad news. I feel like I have been struck by 2X4 over and over in last few weeks every time I hear my doc said “unfavorable” results of my cancer. I am praying that mass behind your liver is just a cyst, nothing major to worry about. I know, we have enough to worry about right now! You are definitely in my thoughts.
P.S. I will be starting my first chemo two days after yours, 09/05/08.
Jeeze Sonia could you have more scary news? Ok it’s now the 27th, so I am waiting as we all are for you to report GOOD NEWS if possible. Have my fingers crossed, hands in prayer and every thought possible that you will be fine. Why is waiting for an answer, feel like russian roulette, or for a car barelling down the street just heading for you personally. The news will come, that you can count on, but what it will be is not. Please try to stay calm, go see a movie, make cookies, have a bath but do something. Keep busy as you can. We all are praying for you Sonia. Weezie
If you decide that making cookies will help with the stress…chocolate chip ship very well and don’t worry I will get my own milk. Cakes and fudge also travel well…if you are really freakin out or something. Just remeber I only mention this out of my deep concern for YOUR well being.
I am not wholly convinced that all of you realize the sacrifices I am prepared to make for you. Mine is a lonely task…reading all of these posts looking for opportunities for baked goods and candy…
Waiting is brutal! So many of the recent posts point to the reality that not knowing is terrible. I pray you get answers and that are encouraging and that until those answers come you have peace that passes understanding. find some one to give you a hug, say a prayer and bake till one of us feels better.
Hugz
Mac
Hi, I am sorry. I have been through all the waiting you have been through and I still don’t know how to tell you to try to relax. I visualized the tumor being so small. I baked cupcakes everyday too. That helped me. I also read Lance Armstrong’s book. Your in my prayers and thoughts.
I’m glad you were able to get the scan. I’m sorry you got such scary results. I hate waiting. It gives you time to think too much. I hope you find some peace.
XOXOSonia,
As I read your entry, I recalled all the feelings I had when my first scans were taken. The wait was absolutely brutal. Someone needs to invent a way to get results quicker after these tests! Don’t they realize what we go through during this waiting period? I got the call about my first scans and the nurse said there was some sort of “hypo density” in my liver. I had no idea what that meant, but I was fearful for days afterwards. She said that it probably wasn’t anything to worry about because a lot of times masses will show up in the liver, but turn out to be nothing. I know what you are going through and I hope your news is good news. I’ll be praying for you and looking forward to what hopefully will be good news from your results. Fingers crossed = )
Kelly
Sonia,
I had issues with my liver as well. I had a fat deposit and I went through several rounds of tests. A very dear friend of mine is a holistic guru and she said that 90% of people have something on their liver.
I would not worry and you will probably be subject to an MRI.
Melissa
Thank you so much for the information – After reading what you wrote I took my first deep breath!
Sonia
Hi Sonia,
I wish I could take all the waiting away for you. I know how difficult it is. I asked everyone I knew to pray for specific test results like clear lymphnodes, etc. I lost 10 lbs and felt horrible everyday. I really learned to lean on others. Baking cupcakes healed me. I was able to see beyond cancer. Please stay strong and know that everyone on this sight is routing for you! Your are greater then any circumstance in your life.
Kathleen
Kathleen,
Thank you again for the encouraging words. I am doing my best to keep my mind clear. For the past few weeks I cleaned my house and tonight I thought; whatever will I do when I am off work, even the house is spotless. Cupcakes sound like fun! I’ll let you know what hobby I come up with. Before the C-Word, I wrote novels and children’s books and now, I can only find enough energy to write here, and even this takes a lot for me to do. Stress really depletes your energy!
Thank you again.
Sonia
I love the idea that you get a hobby. Something that really strikes your fancy. When I was diagnoses I knew nothing for a long time. Luckily my tumor was very small although I am a triple positive. I also had no lymph node involvement. In some ways it was very hard for me in the waiting game because my doctors were waiting on me to decide on Chemo or not. I needed lots of time to sit and see how my body felt with that. Because I was Her2+ the only way I could get Herceptin was to have Chemo. The FDA didn’t approved it any other way. So I ended up with nothing. I asked my Oncologist to give me Herceptin but he wouldn’t. I know that waiting is horrible. Some of your decisions are already made which is good. I just know that little bugger taking up space behind your liver is nothing. Let me know about your fabulous new hobby!